Friday, May 20, 2011
Back to Blog! :D
Poh Heng :) from URL @ 4:02 AM
Hey guys, guess what? I was just thinking about the things I have been doing in my life!! Ever since year 1 ended, my life went from days of endless boredom to days of excruciating suffocation due to the towering sheets of chores I have to do. Responsibility become a huge part of my life now. I have recently ascended to the position of a president in NYP's choir, Voice Ensemble( Even though I clearly wrote down under the column of desired position as 'anything but president'). I was sort of unwilling at first, I doubted myself. I still do, but not so much anymore... this is something God has given to me, a way of him saying that I should start evangelising in VE now and he has presented to me the most favorable/influential position!
So, with the passion of singing and the annointing of god, I decided to push on in VE. When clubcrawl came, I was so tempted to go around looking at other CCA booths and wanting to join some other CCAs. But to me, I felt restricted. I also felt that it is wrong to join some other CCA. How can a president of a CCA be a member of another? Ridiculous. How will I be able to hold up the name of VE then? Definately impossible.
So I started to wonder a lot, how will VE be under my rule? Sometimes I just wish that someone will just stand up and tell me that I suck as a president and that they can do so much better with handling VE and I will gladly give them my post. Its so hard to be a president, when there are just some kind of people you dislike but you have to like them so that they would stay and ensure the survivability of the club. As much as trying not to offend people so much, I also have to ensure that they cant do whatever they feel like doing that will tarnish the club.
There are so many things I want to write but the environment around me now is so noisy that I cant think anymore. -.-. I will continue when the time and place allows me so.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Les Voix '11.
Poh Heng :) from URL @ 7:01 PM
Today is a big day and my voice status is not anywhere good at all; I have been practicing songs every day from 4 to 10! All was good until I woke up today and something hit me in the head. Hard. After this concert, the seniors, all of them, will graduate! Its like saying that more than half of the people on stage will disappear after this performance! Voice ensemble will never be the same as before again! This is why sometimes I hope that we will have more time, that the concert is still months away and we are busy preparing...everything just moves so fast that I lost track of time...
There is this violent twirl of emotions, whirling around inside me, which I always have when I had huge performances...honestly saying, up until now, I still cannot distinguish them, all I know that it is neither positive nor negative. I dont know if all these emotions are going to burst out later on during the performance, but I really hope that I dont- history has told me otherwise, but this time I will be stronger.
I dont know where this post will lead me for I have been relentlessly pouring out my feelings, but I know that there is something I really want which I will never get: for time to stop. This is the most surreal period for me, sometimes I really do wonder if I am that slow, to only think of this kind of things on the BIG day itself. Sometimes I hope that I'd never realize at all so I would stop dreading, stop counting the hours, the minutes, the seconds and just continue being ignorant at this very day...
P.S. I HATE MOVING ON!
Monday, January 3, 2011
New year resolution?
Poh Heng :) from URL @ 11:20 AM
From young, every new year, people around me will ask me what my resolution for the year is. I'd just shake my head and shrugg my shoulders, telling them that I will just take things on a day by day basis. They would then envy me, or at least some would, telling me that I am content with my current life- that's why I dont have a resolution. I will then, basking full with pride, think about the compliment and see how it is seen in my life and nod to myself with a grin on my face.
It is only now that I realized that they were wrong, and that my pride was of nothing. It is not that I am content with my life, it is just that I dont care. But then, why do I not care? I distinctively remember that, in the past, I do care for the things regarding me, like, EVERYTHING, like, super duper care, 1000000% care. My level to care, I feel, have regressed over the period of time, so much so that the amount doesnt seem to mean of any significance. Well, I still have things close to me which I do care, but most of the other stuffs, nah.
And so, I have decided that, I should have a resolution, to have something to work for and look forward to, in this year.
1) Slim down
2) Patch up all the weird relationships
3) Get to know god more
4) Enjoy life
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Hehe, weird incident.
Poh Heng :) from URL @ 8:22 AM
So I was ravaging my plate of dinner as fast as I could in hopes of more internet time with friends. I didnt realized that there were bones in the meat served, so I just gulped it down without care. The next thing I knew, it was so huge that as it went down my esophagus, I could feel the muscles contracting, relaxing as they attempt to push the solid, unprocessed food down. Obviously, it was too much work for them and they decided to leave it halfway down my throat.
This is the first time such incident happen to me, or anyone I know of, but oddly, I appeared to be very calm then. I decided to continue with my dinner hastily, thinking that the food would push that bone down along with it, but I was wrong. It remained stuck even when the last drop of rice went to my stomach.
It was then when my brain decided to raise the alarm and I went into full self-concious mode. I gulped down a few bottles of water, trying to ignore the pain from time to time, but it didnt work. Then I thought of the gag relex, I was so close to making myself vomit, then I decided to stop myself. "So disgusting, I will think of another way"
So I ran out of my house with my wallet and went to the nearest supermarket and bought a huge bottle of cola( 1.5) From what I have heard, coke is very acidic, so I was hoping that consuming that body-harming drink will dissolve the rough edges of the bone and it will move down my esophagus smoothly. Now that I think about it, it is stupid.
Anyway, because I had just finished my dinner and had a few bottles of water in my stomach already, as I gulped the coke, it became nauseasly unbearable, I thought I would just want to vomit everything out. Of course, that thought disgusted me so I just sat down and wait until my body adapts to the new internal environment I have happily introduced to it. I burped quite a lot of times, and after awhile, I walked home
When I got home, I tried to sing, and obviously, I could not do it. So I complaint on facebook, then I began to make a realization and began to experiment with my voice. It was then I realized that I have been singing wrongly all this while, but that wasnt my concern. So I kind of complaint it on facebook, and many people commented and advised. In the end, I followed one of theirs, and it went away.
Turns out that, you just need to swallow a BALL of rice, dont masticate, just swallow them in, it will push the bone down all the way. I guess the fault I had was that, I eat until the rice became small small piece, so it sort of just pass through the gap. Heh.
Poriah Carrey Hengerwood :PPPP
Friday, October 22, 2010
Haha
Poh Heng :) from URL @ 6:47 AM
Honestly, I have forgotten about this blog ever since the last post and only managing to remember it today because I had a nice conversation with a good friend, Rafidah. School is still tolerable, no matter if I am hanging out with my clique from last sem or not. It shows to me that we can all adapt to our environment (MY FOOT). If I really can, I would have sticked to the same happenings in my past sem life, but I didnt. I geared myself away, away from the person I feel so much distaste to. I have tried sticking around, but it just didnt work. I might be burning bridges, but that would be my lesson learned.
As I push myself into other social circles, I realized many things. I started to see and know little details of my class I have never noticed before. One of them being that our class is tearing apart and forming new allies (guilty me). I also found out that, maybe the resocialization is a good thing after all. Well, it will be awkward if I want to find myself back into that very spot again, but at least, I am finally given choices. I can be with people whom I feel that its okay to be myself. I might not look like it, but sometimes, I am putting up facades and it is suffocating me.
Why do I have to smile just to adhere to the situation? I know I did it to maintain relationships, but that's what I thought. In the end, I am the only one hurting. How is it healthy? Why should I be the only one? When I pursue a relationship, I commit. So I am guessing if I find it not worth my time, I throw away my commitments.
Oh ya, there is a singing competition coming up in NYP, where the winners get to sing in front for the open house. It will be freakin' cool. I'd hope that we get into the finals, and not win though. It will be too embarassing. Of course, since this is my first time joining a competition, "I was petrified~". So I have decided to sing a duet with a friend, asyikin. I have never hear her sing before (until recently, when we went kbox), I was taking my chances. I am guessing, it is all about the fun, not the winning. Actually, I am willing to do a duet with anyone in my class, except for one. ____________. Opps.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Sleepover at Blue Ginger
Poh Heng :) from URL @ 11:00 AM
It is my first time since forever to sleep somewhere not at my house. I have to say, it was quite a bit of a experience especially when it was filled with fun people. We sang, we played, we did lots of things together. I guess, its my first official memory with BG.
I especially love the truth or dare game. Since I am too young, they were not so hard on me. However, on the other hand, my colleague, Randy, had it tough. Being born as a male and have been living on this planet for 22years( and still counting), he was forced to do many things which are like, OMG. It just brings the truth or dare game into another level, one that I have never expected much. Anyway, it was so serious that they have my eyes covered from time to time. Hehe.
Romance is ALWAYS in the air. No matter where I go, there are always people loving people. I guess that it is just human nature, instinct. Only that I dont have it. Geez.
I found out that singers are everywhere, it is not just people who join choir. It doesnt have to be, as long as one love to sing, and is willing to sing out loud, anyone is a singer. Also, not being in choir doesnt mean that your bad, just that you dont enjoy harmony as much. So many things I have learn. I cant wait for another BG visit, another BG sleepover!!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Chap 2
Poh Heng :) from URL @ 6:34 PM
Well, I am not really sure what is going on now, history seems to love repeating itself. The cold war. Somehow or rather, I would like to believe that it is for the best, but there would always have a slight tug somewhere when I look at the person. Maybe that was for the best afterall. I shouldnt want to over-rely on someone right? I should learn to be dependant, I should go out more. Sides, no attempts from the other side to savage the situation, its pretty obvious how un-important I am seen to be. In the end, I am just someone to hang out with. Nevertheless, I will let that slide, for I know myself, I dont deserve much.
Seriously, now that I think about it. Relationship is just like a vase, the stronger one is, the bigger it becomes and that trying to glue back the vase when it breaks is as good as a mission to not sing forever. Another way to see it is that, both parties of a relationship each have a hand that holds the vase, like I said, strong relationship means bigger vase. So the stronger it becomes, the heavier the vase, it will need hands of both the party to sustain it in the air. If one decides that he cant be bothered anymore, the vase dropps.
There are many circumstances where one have to hold the vase tighter, to show to the other one how much he want to vase to never break. Even when the other one releases, he will try to sustain with his strength as much as possible. Sadly, it has never happen to me before, this scenario. People seem to just let it drop when I drop. So be it then, drop.
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